The Pocket-Sized Couch Commander

FULL LYRICS

[Intro]
[whispered vocals]
Let me introduce you to a little friend of mine
Ladies love him
He's been a great help to me
Ladies love him
Allow me to introduce
Ladies love him
Swipe Bot
Ladies love him

[Verse 1]
Hi
My name is Swipe Bot
My creator has assigned me to browse the dating apps
So you don't have to
Swipe Bot
He has grown tired of the apps
And would like to meet his lady or future wife
Swipe Bot
Here's what you should know about him

[Chorus]
He's the kind of guy you wanna take home to mama
He's got the kind of booty that make you go "mama mia"
Swipe Bot
He's good with his hands and with animals too
He's got a nice butt and he's funny and he's cute
Swipe Bot
You should have his babies
And touch him with your lady parts

[Verse 2]
He's got a heart of gold
He's got a voice of gold
He's got a bank account full of gold
But not like too much
Not in a flashy way
He's not like flashy
But it's there if you need it
Like if you needed some new shoes
Swipe Bot
He can build you a house
Swipe Bot
And he's a really good kisser
Swipe Bot
And your friends are gonna be so happy for you when you meet him
[Bridge]
He's a kind of guy who likes being outside
And he doesn't need a ton of sleep
He's got big hands and strong arms
And he's a real light sleeper
So he doesn't snore
And he sleeps through the night
Swipe Bot
He's a great cuddler
And he's got a big heart
Swipe Bot
He can pick up heavy things
So you don't have to
Swipe Bot
And he loves to laugh
And he's really good at it
And he loves his mom
And he knows how to fix things
He's an excellent cook
And he's a good driver
And he never gets sick
Swipe Bot
He's the kind of guy that you can brag about to your friends
Swipe Bot
Except for that one friend
Who's kind of like a frenemy
She's always been jealous of you
So like
Fuck her
Not literally
But like
She's not happy for you
But your other friends are
Swipe Bot
You should have his babies
And touch him with your lady parts
Swipe Bot
Your mom's gonna love him
Your dad's gonna love him
Your mom's gonna wanna touch him
But she can't
'cause that's your man
And he's got a really nice butt
Swipe Bot
And a nice heart
And a nice face
And a nice soul
And he loves to laugh
And he loves his mom
And he's good with kids
And he can fix things
And he knows how to cook
And he can pick up heavy things
So you don't have to
And you should have his babies
And touch him with your lady parts
Swipe Bot
And he's humble
He's so humble
He's the most humble guy
But not in like a braggadocious way
He's like
Really humble
And he doesn't need a ton of sleep
And he's got big hands and strong arms
And he's a light sleeper
And he's an excellent cuddler
And he loves to laugh
And he's good at it
And he loves his mom
And he's a good driver
And he never gets sick
And he's got a nice face
And a nice soul
And a nice heart
And a nice butt
And you should have his babies
And touch him with your lady parts
And he doesn't snore
And he sleeps through the night
And he's good with kids
And he's good with animals
And he's got a heart of gold
And a voice of gold
And he's got a nice bank account
But not in a flashy way
But it's there if you need it
And he's a good kisser
And your friends are gonna be so happy for you when you meet him
Except for that one friend who's kind of a frenemy
And she's always been jealous of you
So fuck her
Not literally
But like
She's not happy for you
But your other friends are
And he can build you a house
And he's the kind of guy that you can brag about to your friends
Swipe Bot
And he's the kind of guy you wanna take home to mama
And he's got the kind of booty that make you go "mama mia"
And he's good with his hands
And with animals too
And he's got a nice butt
And he's funny
And he's cute
And you should have his babies
And touch him with your lady parts
Swipe Bot