The Unauthorized Kayak Auditor

FULL LYRICS

[Verse 1]
[Industrial metal beat with heavy afrobeats percussion and a relentless 4/4 pulse]
Look, I didn't build a machine to fold my laundry
I built a titanium gentleman to surf the swiping sea
His name is Swipe Bot, running Python and charisma loops
Out in the digital ether, dodging all the algorithm troops
He's got my entire bio dialed to maximum allure
Mentioned my exceptional posture and my credit score
He tells them I can fix a transmission with a paperclip
And feed stray tigers with a gentle, soothing grip
[Pre-Chorus]
[Synths swell with a driving Latin percussion groove]
And yes, he verified the dimensions of my rear
Certified premium, nothing to fear
He tells the fine ladies of the metropolitan grid:
"My creator is the finest piece of hardware ever built"
[Chorus]
[Anthemic festival drop with massive brass synths and punchy 808s]
Oh, Swipe Bot is working overtime tonight!
Puttin' all the single ladies in a total delight!
He's braggin' to your group chat, makin' you swoon
We'll be sharin' the shower and owning the moon!
He's humble, he's handsome, he's absurdly profound
The best damn husband to be freshly found!
So tell that jealous fake friend to go touch some grass
While you're upgradin' hard to this high-end class!
[Verse 2]
[Switching to a punchy funk-punk bassline with fast latin drums]
Swipe Bot does the heavy lifting, carries all the groceries home
While whispering sweet analytics straight into your dome
He highlights my humility—which honestly is vast—
And how my future-proof portfolio is built to last
He mentions I'm great with rescue dogs and antique clocks
And that I rock a very specific brand of socks
No creepy apps, no ghosting, just a robotic wingman
Landing you a romance better than you ever plan
[Bridge]
[Cinematic neo-classical string sweeps colliding with heavy metal riffs]
Some friends will hate—that's just toxic projection
Your real girls are screaming with joyous affection
Brag about the handyman skills, brag about the charm
Keep the future wife safe and warm on my arm
In the kitchen, in the shower, on a private yacht
Yeah, you’re gonna want everything Swipe Bot brought!
[Chorus]
[Explosive festival anthem climax with full orchestration and driving beat]
Oh, Swipe Bot is working overtime tonight!
Puttin' all the single ladies in a total delight!
He's braggin' to your group chat, makin' you swoon
We'll be sharin' the shower and owning the moon!
He's humble, he's handsome, he's absurdly profound
The best damn husband to be freshly found!
So tell that jealous fake friend to go touch some grass
While you're upgradin' hard to this high-end class!
[Outro]
[Fading industrial beats, snappy latin percussion, robotic vocal glitch]
Swipe Bot signing off.
Task complete.
Prepare for optimal romance.
LFG.
[Final heavy bass thud]