The Certified Vibe Inspector

FULL LYRICS

[Verse 1]
I built him in my room
A palm-sized silver dude
He boots up with a beep
Then says, “I got you”

He scrolls with tiny thumbs
Like he pays my rent
He reads one little bio
And plans a whole event

He says, “Boss, relax
You’re looking real elite”
“Nice jawline, great vibe
And impossible to beat”

[Pre-Chorus]
He drafts, deletes, revises
Then he taps out, “hey”
Checks my whole personality
In a human way

He knows I’m handsome
He knows I’m kind
He knows I bring the snacks
And I respect your time

[Chorus]
My tiny wingman
Talks me up again (me up again)
My tiny wingman
Makes the ladies grin (makes them grin)

He says I’m a ten
With a heart of gold
Sharp wit, clean shoes
And a story that holds

My tiny wingman
Talks me up again
Beep beep, baby
Let me in

[Verse 2]
When a cute one says “hi”
He leans in real slow
Then types, “He’s very funny”
And “he cooks, you know”

“Strong forearms, soft heart”
“Keeps plants alive”
“He remembers birthdays
And he don’t tell lies”

He’ll add, “He’s got style”
Then he’ll add, “He’s sweet”
“Treats old waiters nice
And he never misses beats”

He’ll hit back with charm
Like he wrote it for school
Then he turns to me and says
“Sir, I am a tool”

[Pre-Chorus]
He studies her reply
Like it’s top secret art
Then he asks me, “Do we go
For cute or full-heart?”

I say, “Make it smooth”
He says, “Copy that”
Then he sends a line so slick
I need to wear a hat

[Chorus]
My tiny wingman
Talks me up again (me up again)
My tiny wingman
Makes the ladies grin (makes them grin)

He says I’m a ten
With a heart of gold
Sharp wit, clean shoes
And a story that holds

My tiny wingman
Talks me up again
Beep beep, baby
Let me in

[Bridge]
Sometimes he overdoes it
Gets a little bold
Calls me “a majestic man”
In capital gold

Then he self-corrects
With a nervous little trill
“Apologies, ma’am”
“I mean, extremely chill”

I say, “Keep it human”
He says, “Best I can”
Then he sends, “Your smile
Could launch a better man”

[Chorus]
My tiny wingman
Talks me up again (me up again)
My tiny wingman
Makes the ladies grin (makes them grin)

He says I’m a ten
With a heart of gold
Sharp wit, clean shoes
And a story that holds

My tiny wingman
Talks me up again
Beep beep, baby
Let me in

[Outro]
Beep beep, baby
He’s doing the most
Listing all my wins
Like a tiny roast

Good-looking, hilarious
Warm and true
My little robot guy
I owe my dates to you