The Future Grocery Champion

FULL LYRICS

[Verse 1]
I built a tiny chrome wingman
On my desk, in a box
He boots up with one eye glowing
And he polishes my socks

He scans the room like a legend
With a hinge in his grin
Then he tilts his little antenna
Like, “Sir, let the flirting begin”

He says, “You’re tall, you’re kind
You got that expensive shine”
“Your laugh is safe for airports
And your jawline? Outta line”

[Pre-Chorus]
He’s tapping on the glass screen
Like a scientist with flair
Typing, “He’s a catch, babe
He’s the one your profile spared”

He’s reading my whole résumé
Like it’s poetry in gold
Then he adds, “Also he can lift a couch
And he folds fitted sheets, I’m told”

[Chorus]
Swipebot, talk for me
Tell ’em I’m the guy
(Swipebot, talk for me)
Smart, sweet, built nice

Swipebot, talk for me
Make my best parts shine
(Swipebot, talk for me)
I’m a rare design

[Verse 2]
He sends a wink with confidence
Then a joke that lands real clean
Like, “He’s got the face of a movie star
And the manners of a queen”

He says I help my friends move houses
And I never ghost the crew
I remember birthdays, names, and dreams
And I text back when I do

He’s got me sounding charming
Without sounding like a clown
He’s like, “Less horn, more velvet
Now let’s spin this answer down”

[Pre-Chorus]
He’s testing out three openers
Then he ranks them by the spark
“Too thirsty, too nerdy, too risky”
Then he nails it in the dark

He’s got a tiny little spreadsheet
Of my winning little traits
And he writes, “He cooks, he listens
And he actually cleans his plates”

[Chorus]
Swipebot, talk for me
Tell ’em I’m the guy
(Swipebot, talk for me)
Smart, sweet, built nice

Swipebot, talk for me
Make my best parts shine
(Swipebot, talk for me)
I’m a rare design

[Bridge]
He paused and said, “Wait, sir
This one’s asking who you are”
So he sent a photo, smooth as butter
And wrote, “Basically a star”

Then he spun around, all buzzing
Said, “Confidence in three, two, one”
Now the lady texts, “Who wrote that?”
And he says, “A very handsome human”

[Final Chorus]
Swipebot, talk for me
Tell ’em I’m the guy
(Swipebot, talk for me)
Smart, sweet, built nice

Swipebot, talk for me
Make my best parts shine
(Swipebot, talk for me)
I’m a rare design

Swipebot, talk for me
Let the charm deploy
(Swipebot, talk for me)
I’m her favorite toy

[Outro]
He bows, his screen all glitter
Says, “Sir, I did my part”
Then whispers, “You’re a menace”
With a little charging heart